THE BLESSING

What is it about some people that they simply cannot say no? It’s just two little alphabets after all and doesn’t even require a tongue twisting pronunciation like kollimollyttowitzkaloo.

It’s like if they ever get around utter the word, they probably fear that lightning would strike them dead or some equally crazy catastrophe would befall them giving rise to a new phrase. I sure have come across many of them.

I am not sure about the lightening striking them dead part, I am really sure that a lot of guilt and resentment strikes them, making them wish they were dead (their words not mine).

My mother was one such person. The word “no” didn’t have a place in her dictionary. Coming from a conservative Brahmin family that belonged to an old school of thought (make that very, very old), she simply felt it was her duty to be everyone’s yes man or in this case, yes woman. Refusing somebody something meant it looked “bad” on her part. Naturally this made her the most exploited-walked upon- doormat on which you can wipe your feet on-taken for a ride family member. Now me? I have the opposite problem. Saying yes to anything. Its three alphabets and considerable strain. Saying no was far, far easier and I could do it with a smile, style and sometimes not so gracefully.

With mom being the yes person and me the no person, this was one case where opposites did not attract, but she sure used to attract a lot of people with numerous sob stories coming up to the house asking for money. “My father is ill.. I need money for his medicines” or “my daughter in my village is getting married…I need money” or “My son’s education…if you could spare some money…I need to pay college fees…I need money.” Of course if one was observant enough to notice the pattern in the talk, it always boiled down to one thing. I need money and I need a nice lady like you to provide it.

Mom most times has a very generous heart and does give away easily, sometimes to an extent that would have given Karna, the Hindu mythological character known for his generosity a run for his reputation. Other times, when she felt she was being exploited made her angry and unhappy, but did this make her any less giving? NO!

One such person was Ravi. Ravi from Hubli. No one knows who he was or why he had knocked at my house one fine afternoon, why our house of all the choices in a long lane that we stayed in, why he targeted mom, but there he was standing at the door. He explained that he was from a small village in hubli. His parents were very poor and old and ill. He couldn’t afford to educate himself to finish his graduation. He wanted to complete it at any cost. He needed money to pay for his college fees and would a nice lady like you (mom) be kind enough to give some money (didn’t I say earlier that it all boiled down to one thing?).
Mom, after hearing many such sob stories had learned to be wary of entertaining people who seem to be seek her out like she were some long lost relative, but did she refuse? No prices for guessing. She gave him the money and then dismissed the matter.

Three months down the line, the guy was back again. This time it was money that he needed for text books for his studies. Mom now began to resent it that it was slowly developing into a habit but did she refuse? She gave him the money.

Another three months passed when there was a knock on the door. Yes! Ravi again. Fees for his mid term exam.

And so on it went. Months turned to a year and more. Mom now really became agitated at his sight, but did she refuse? She was yet to learn to say no. Ravi on the other hand seem to make her his ATM and dropped in anytime he wished to with reasons why he needed the money, all in some way connected to his education.

Mom did crib to me, her one and only daughter about how Ravi asked for the money but since I had never had the problem with uttering those two measly alphabets, I could not identify with her feelings about asserting herself and told her so without mincing words. After that she didn’t talk about it, but I could see she silently felt that she was being exploited and didn’t like the turn the whole thing was taking.

Nearly three years went by. One afternoon, when mom was having her noon siesta that she dearly treasures, there came a knock at the door. Bleary eyed, she opens it only to find Ravi standing there.

Like a person in an inebriated state, she let her tongue loose. That sure was a first, her raising her voice when she is usually soft spoken, she yelled about her generosity being exploited, that she seems to be the only target for sob stories – a magnet for the needy to ask her for money and how it all boiled down to the same thing (dint I say so before?), that of all people SHE had to be his target to ask for money and on and on it went.

Ravi couldn’t get a word in edgewise.

Minutes later (and it seemed like ages), she paused for breath. Ravi then says,

“Madam, with your kind permission can I say something?”

Having exhausted all her frustration on her inability to say no, mom nodded.

“Today, I didn’t come to ask for money. I finished my BA and got a job as a teacher in school that is in my village. I came here to thank you for funding my education and to take your blessings.”

At that very moment, I would have loved to turn into a little insect to get into mom’s mind to find out exactly what was she thinking. There she was, asserting herself for the first time and for all the wrong reasons!

Ravi carrying mom’s heartfelt good wishes and blessings with him (after his speech, mom eventually did cool down), left with a smile.

Mom closed the door, feeling equally blessed.